You know, there are a lot of people who make fun of gaming addictions, and hell, I'm one of them. Of course, that's like the pot calling the kettle black all things considered, but you know, I still get out of the house. I still cook actual food. I have married an actual live human man. I dress in funny clothes on weekends and pretend to be in the Middle Ages while said husband dresses in armor and beats people with sticks. As much as I game and would probably chew the foot off of whomever told me I could never game again, I still feel rather proud of Super Husband and me for managing to balance gaming and life, even if at times, gaming wins over things like art projects.
Thing is, though, we know someone who is as bad as all the anti-gaming groups want you to believe. He's a great guy, but he does nothing else but World of Warcraft. That's it. Oh, I shouldn't say nothing else because he has finished school. He's got credentials out the ass for computer programming, but it's a little hard for him to find a job since he has no car since he spent every extra cent from student loans on his gaming rig. It also doesn't help he has no teeth from all the junk food and Coke he lives on. He hides it well under that unkempt beard, but you know, most potential employers are put off when you reek because you haven't bathed in days.
Now, granted, he is a worst-case scenario for the single gaming addict. And, you know, I truly hate when people hold those like him up as examples of why "gaming is evil". Look, some people for some reason - maybe it's their predisposition for being anti-social or have an addictive personality, I don't know - get sucked into that fantasy world. It's easier to meet people that way and easier to talk. Real life is damn hard and damn scary, so yeah, I can see why some people might hide away. (Gods know there are times I've wanted to do that.) Is it healthy? Nope. Is it advisable? Nope. But, is it what all gamers are like? Fuck no, and screw those who say otherwise. Those are the very people who have never gamed in their lives. Just like assholes who want to ban movies or books they've never seen or read. Knee-jerk conservatism.
However, I will say, if he was just by himself, I might care even less. I still don't think it's healthy, and as a friend of my husband's, I do wish he'd try to better his situation, but if he were alone, there's not much I can do. He's a big boy. He makes his own decisions, and he's got to figure this shit out for himself. We can point it out, but until he sees it himself, it's all just words. Problem is, he's not alone. He lives with his parents, and they don't like it very much. And, that's where it becomes a problem. If you're only hurting yourself, then, well, that's your choice, even if we think it sucks. If you're hurting yourself and others, well, it's kind of selfish and cruel, but unfortunately, it's not something a gaming addict sees. They see their gaming as their only outlet and get very offended if you suggest it's a bad thing. They're not hurting anyone, right?
Yesterday, a lady who'd been helping us at the spa was telling me about her husband. She says to me, "He's playing World of Warcraft which is this huge online game..."
I grinned at her unconsciously. She got slightly offended, but then I explained that, sweetie, you have no idea how aware I am of such things.
Anyway, apparently, she is a WOW widow, to the point it almost caused a divorce. Yes, it's like Oprah, but not as insipid.
Thing is, she doesn't mind that he plays, but she does mind that they have to schedule their family life around his raiding schedule. I can see that. She's not a gamer. She's not even really a geek. She likes the occasional console stuff that the kids share, but nothing beyond Guitar Hero or something. Normally, I am wary of a non-gamer marrying a gamer because typically, it doesn't bloody work, but it sometimes does if the spouse is at least accepting of the hobby, which she is. She never once said to me that she wanted him to completely stop. She just wanted him to find some self-control.
I can see this. When I met Super Husband, he was huge into EverCrack. Being a gamer, I was just fucking thrilled he gamed. Being a girlfriend, I was thrilled he knew when to put it down. Wednesdays were his raid nights, so I never even tried to schedule anything on those days. Sometimes there were other raids, but it was understood that Friday was our time, whatever that might be. It worked, and he still gamed. But, apparently, this poor woman doesn't have that kind of compromise, and when I told her how we worked it out, she was flabbergasted and jealous. I found that very sad.
Granted, yes, I missed classes for an entire week once to play Final Fantasy VII, but you know, I did eventually venture out into the shocking rays of the evil daystar. Maybe I just don't "get it," but I, personally, don't see why a gamer, even a hardcore gamer, can't make time for other social activities.
And, maybe that's the answer. Maybe those who get addicted like that aren't always hardcore gamers. Gamers who have been gamers all their lives seem to be the ones who manage to strike a balance of some sort. Yes, I know that some of those addicts are lifelong gamers, but it seems like I keep running into those who weren't always gamers but got sucked into the MMO world and never really found their way out. It's like their psyche has suddenly discovered a new playground, an imagination it never knew it had, and refuses to come out again. I got the impression that her husband has only ever played MMOs, so it makes me wonder.
As I said in the previous post, for a long time, I avoided MMOs simply because I know I have the ability to disappear into a game for days at a time. And, maybe, if I had started them in college that's what would've happened, but being an adult, even an immature one, still requires certain damn boring obligations, like maintaining a job so you have a roof under which to game. It's a trade off. Either way, in a weird way, I can kind of understand how one would get to that point. I definitely have the kind of personality that could spend all my waking time doing things like gaming or chatting. I've done it. Lots of times. The difference is I've recognized my weakness and had to set limitations. It sucks balls, but that's the way it is if I want to do things like party with friends or go to cons or be inspired to make art or do sexy things with my husband. As much as I love the gaming, I'm not willing to give all that up.
I'm hoping that her husband isn't either. Since the divorce didn't happen, I figure he must not be, so there's that at least.
Now, on a complete flip side of that, the devious part of me told her what to do to at least make herself feel better.
See, he plays on a PVP server. I told her she needs to log in, make a character, level it up, and then beat the crap out of him whenever his gaming annoys her. Yes, I know that it's potentially turning her into a gamer, but I don't see that. She's not a gamer. She is, however, a determined woman. I can totally see her doing such a thing, and you know, nothing would get his attention like being bitch-slapped online and then finding out it was his wife. Might open up some communication, who knows?
That, or I'm just as wicked and devious as I've been told I am.
Here I thought I was just, you know, helpful.
So, the point of this post? Well, I seem to have been confronted with this kind of problem a few times in recent years, and while a little scary, I have yet to see how it's an insurmountable horror that should warrant the banning of all games some feel is necessary to prevent the destruction of our youth or whatever their going rant is. Yes, for some, the only option might be to give up gaming, but for most, I think it's possible to just sort of retrain one's self into achieving a little more balance. It's hard as hell, but it's possible.
I almost think it's the universe's way of point out to me that yes, I will be confronted with shit like this from stupid anti-gamers for the rest of my life, and it's important I have a counter-argument, for instance: "Gee, my brother played Mortal Kombat as a kid and is not only married and has two kids, but when his first kid was a newborn, he was playing Doom 3 with her lying in his lap, and yet she has still decided Jesus needs some of her toys because the three gifts he got from the wisemen were lame."
** (We won't mention that same child once, in some surreal kind of innocence, tied up all of my stuffed animals to the legs of my coffee table like some weird bondage barnyard. She is a girl after my own heart.)
Besides, I've played games from the time Atari first hit the market (screw you, I'm not old!) until now, and while, yes, I definitely have a twist of mind, I'm pretty sure it's inherited. My mother is twisted as hell, but she's never gamed. Take that and put it in your conservative "video games are the evil" ass.
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**True story. I am a screaming heathen, but you have to admit that's adorably cute, even though I'm pretty sure when she becomes a teenager she'll wonder why Jesus never figured out that he could have totally used that walk-on-water trick to win a few free drinks. She is my niece, after all.
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