Kamikaze Kumquat

The reason for lack of posting...

2010-05-10T19:05:53Z

World of Warcraft.

Yeah, I get it now.

Regularly scheduled posts to resume this week.

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Not that I didn't get it before, but I definitely see that Blizz has this shit down to an art. I should've known.

Things You Only Hear in a Gamer Household

2010-02-19T03:51:56Z

"Tsk, tsk! You just left that little robot in there all alone to rave by himself."

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My brother's response was the best: "As well as 'So, you've got god, riding a norwhal [sic], wearing a top hat, holding a chicken...can you put him on a pogostick instead?.....Yes, Yes you can...' Scribblenauts, you're so awesome..."

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2010-02-18T00:09:36Z

So, later I hope to have a more thoughtful post, but for now, I present two glaring examples of geek hatred and love:

First, we have a moment captured in which a once geek god has become the ultimate geek devil. He acknowledges a major fuck-up, but one does get the sense he thinks it's quaintly funny...

If this doesn't make you want to find Lucas and pummel him to death with a box set of the prequels, then you are dead to me.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have an obvious expression of geek love and pain summed up in a moment of such extreme hilarity that it almost redeems the above atrocity.

Almost.

Anything that involves Deadpool blowing off the head of an admitted blasphemer makes up for a lot of stupidity in this life.

So says the Kumquat.

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It occurred to me that the first photo looks like it's taking place on the "Crystal Skull" set, which makes it a double atrocity. Lucas knows his fans are unhappy and flaunts it, and then goes on to turn yet another beloved franchise into dreck. Ya'll do know he's wanting to do an Indiana Jones 5, right? I kept telling people he needed to be dropped into an oubliette after "Phantom Menace", but do people listen to me? Nooooo....

Fully Functional Friday - Snowmageddon Edition

2010-02-13T07:02:55Z

Yeah, I'm late, but it's still kind of Friday.

Sort of.

Get you some cocoa and have a seat:

Super Husband has finished Mass Effect 2 and is happily blowing shit up in Bioshock 2. It's funny because he's concerned that I'm not kicking him off the 360 for a reason. Nope. I'm replaying Dragon Age: Origins. I'm determined to either get Alistair to make me his queen or get Zevron in a threesome. We all have our priorities. The 360 games will be there when I'm done.
In case you frothing-at-the-mouth gamers haven't heard, Blizzard is looking for beta testers for StarCraft 2. I know it was stupid of me to make that announcement seeing as how you are all rabid for it, but you know, some peeps get a little into the gaming to see what's going on around them, like the snowpocalypse.
Well, duh, of course we both applied for the beta opt-in. I haven't mentioned it, but I'm pretty certain there will be marital discourse if one of us is chosen but not the other. I suspect that whoever might get the lucky chance will have the other hanging over his/her shoulder drooling.
I'm actually beta-testing for a game right now, but it's not a game that's really my cup of tea. It was different then I thought it would be. Not unpleasant, just not my sort of game. Live and learn.
No, I can't tell you which one. So, hush. I wouldn't be able to tell you if we got in on the beta testing for Starcraft 2, either. It's call non-disclosure agreement. I can and will rub some noses in it later after the official release, though, if we're chosen. Considering the thousands of thousands of possible applicants who damn near knocked in Blizzard's door for the chance, I'm not betting on it, but hey, fingers crossed anyway.
You know, I love me some Dragon Age: Origins, but I never realized until recently the exact amount of replay value in the game. I'm already getting quests I never got the first time around. For instance, I had Leiliana all over me the first time I played, but I didn't ever get her personal quest. I didn't even know there was one. I'm not sure what I did differently, but it's very cool all the same. This game gets better and better.
I've also come to terms that while I am itching for Final Fantasy XIII, I'm finding that I'm not liking the very linear aspect of J-RPGs anymore. I still love them, don't get me wrong, but if I had my choice, I'm rediscovering why I like A-RPGs more. Yes, I cut my teeth on J-RPGs, but things like Baldur's Gate and Neverwinter Nights really had something about them that I really enjoyed: No Godsdamn Random Monster Encounters. Besides, I like a game that doesn't end in a handful of days, or if it does, it has amazing replay. The last J-RPG I played with that kind of replay was Final Fantasy VII. (Besides, it was worth it to put Cloud in a dress. They've watered them down so much since then. Fucking American censors!)
Speaking of Dragon Age, the expansion comes out in a few weeks. Yes, I am squee-ing. I have downloaded the more recent expansion of "Return to Ostagar" in hopes that it will tide me over. Yeah, I'm done with that one. Next!
Zombieland, Zombieland, Zombieland!
We missed DrakeCon for financial reasons, but apparently our peeps had a grand time and even got to enjoy the awesomeness that is Voltaire. I am a lot sad we couldn't be there, but hopefully, he'll be at another con we can attend. I really, really miss not getting his autograph in my book. Oh, well. Maybe another time.
That's okay, there's always DragonCon. Anyone who wishes to contribute to our group's Bail Fund, please let me know. We will need it.
Did I mention the Saints won the Superbowl?

So, yeah, there you have it. You might have had to dig it out from under the snow, but this brings another Fully Functional Friday to a close. Now, go sledding. It's good for you.

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We couldn't really go sledding, unfortunately. It snowed, snowed, snowed, snowed some more, then rained, snowed, rained, snowed, rained, snowed, snowed, froze. Nature is rather bipolar in this state.

This public service announcement is brought to you by the Kumquat:

2010-02-08T06:12:33Z

I only have one thing to say, my babies.

This announcement is brought to you by the If I Were In NOLA Right Now I'd Be Drunk, Hoarse, And Still Dancing Board.

Thank you.

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Firstly, THE SAINTS HAVE WON THE FUCKING SUPERBOWL! Secondly, when the NFL tried to copyright the phrase "Who dat?" I laughed for a long time. See, I don't have much loyalty to the state of Louisiana, but I do have loyalty to my Cajun heritage, and I tell you, they were fucking with the wrong set of people. You never mess with their church, their food, their drink, or their football. The large number of t-shirts reading "The NFL can kiss my Who Dat!" that I've seen in the Superbowl crowd brought a rebellious tear to my eye.

ME2 First Impressions and Guess What Else We Get To Look Forward To!

2010-01-27T01:36:51Z

Firstly, my comments are indeed working because Super Husband is Super Awesome with a side of Awesome covered in Awesome sauce.

But, ya'll knew that.

Speaking of Super Husband, he is currently happily causing loud explosions in our living room. If you haven't lived under a rock, "Mass Effect 2" came out today, and if you're any sort of a geek you would be playing it right now rather than reading this. (Hey, we only have one 360 and someone has to write the blog.)

Now, I haven't played the first one, but have watched it and discussed it with the Husband to know quite a bit about it, and I've gleaned a few first impressions of the second ME that has me intrigued.

Firstly, it's damn pretty. The first one was very pretty, but you can definitely see the work put into this one to push the 360. The textures, backgrounds, lighting, everything is better. I still find the character movements slightly choppy at times, but I'm not entirely sure that's not the fault of the 360 because the character movements in "Dragon Age: Origins" are smooth as butter on the comp. I'll have to see what others say on that.

I've been told that it seems that EA was trying to move ME somewhat away from the RPG aspect and more towards the Action/Adventure shooter aspect. That remains to be seen, but for the moment, it still seems like the same cross breed of the genres that "Fallout 3" is. I'll know more once I play it or once the Husband is farther along in it.

The leveling system has definitely changed. You get less points to spend on skills, and it takes more points to level up to higher skill levels, so you're forced to save points and be very choosy.

Since we got the preorder, we get the handy dandy option of certain extras, like some ugly but functional armor. That's fine because since we have "Dragon Age", we also get the Blood Dragon armor translated into this world. It's uber cool with a helmet that reminds me of old school Cylons. My only wonder is how far the functionality of this armor will be. With your normal game armor, you can choose to upgrade each piece, as well as change the look. The bonus armor is all-in-one. Unless they plan on giving some upgrades, I can't see that armor lasting long. Sure, it starts you out with some nice stat bonuses, but other than that, I get the feeling it's for the coolness factor.

Nice list of voice actors. Martin Sheen is pretty obvious, but dammit, it's Martin Sheen and that just ramps up the coolness factor of this game up to eleven.

The big news about the game is that you can transfer your character from the first game to this one. From what I can tell, they managed that one nicely. This is not a spoiler because it's in the trailer, but I'll warn you anyway: SPOILER! By making sure your character "dies" at the beginning of the game, you're given a smooth transition bringing in a pre-played character, but Bioware also gets around the trouble of people starting this game at a level that would turn a new game into a boring cake walk. Even with that, since the game play has changed a bit, you still have a small learning curve, but not that bad.

All this being said, I have to say I'm rather impressed by this installment and am looking forward to starting this series. Maybe by the time my gamer ADD lets me finish it, I'll be ready to buy "Mass Effect 3".

Happily, that's not coming out for a while yet, but lookee-lookee what's in store for us frothing-at-the-mouth gamers this year!

(The following list is made up of games that I know are much in anticipation and games I've deemed relatively Not Full of Suck. So, yeah, not a comprehensive list. Deal with it.)

XBox 360:

February
Bioshock 2: Sea of Dreams
Dante's Inferno

March
Final Fantasy XIII (Woohoo!)

May
Crackdown 2

August
Dead Rising 2 (*sniffle* It will be beautiful!)

September
Halo: Reach
Metal of Honor

December
(possibly) Fallout: New Vegas

PS3
(Several of the above are cross platforming.)

March
God of War 3

Wii

August
Metroid Other M
(Everything else looks either not a concrete release date or Full of Suck or impossibly cutesy crap. Red Steel was not worthy of a sequel in my opininon.)

PC

February
Star Trek Online

March
Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening (Oh yeeeeah, baby!)

June
Fallout: New Vegas (?) (Rumors say they are releasing to PC first, but the official announcement should be in February.)

July
Fallout MMO (The only one I might consider paying for.)

PSP

February
Lunar Silver Star Harmony (Damn, I wish I had a PSP.)

May
Metal Gear Solid: Peacewalker

July
Persona 3

Nintendo DS

A fairly lackluster year for DS which makes me wonder what they're about to announce. They did announce in October there will be a release of the DS LL in Japan (DS XL in Europe) but no announced American release. Knowing Nintendos track record, this sounds like a lead up to a new DS in the works. We'll see what the year brings.

Several others that have "expected" release dates this year are:

Castlevania: Lord of Shadows
Starcraft 2
DC Universe Online
Elder Scrolls V
Final Fantasy XIV
Lego Universe
Star Wars: Force Unleashed 2

Now, wipe the drool off your keyboard before you electrocute yourself.

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You know, looking at that release list, I have to say it's going to be a decent year for gaming. It would be a fantastic-fabulous-unbelievable-awesome-I-think-I'm-gonna-faint year if we had confirmation for Starcraft 2 and a possibility of Diablo 3 (which has an iffy 2011 release). You gotta love a company that will only release a game when it's Ready with a capital R, but damn if it doesn't make the dry summer season seem all the longer.

Real Dating Advice from a Real Gamer Geek Girl

2010-01-23T05:30:16Z

Okay, Geeks, here's the thing, I've read tons of articles aimed at geek boys on how to date, learn to date, or just attract any attention at all.

I've noticed one singular flaw in the common logic of all of these experts, who are sadly, geek boys: you are trying to attract non-geek girls or only slightly geek girls.

Here's the thing, boys, if you want a girl who will agree with your lifestyle and maybe even participate, than you need to throw all of that advice out the window and be yourself.

Seriously.

I have seen non-geeks and geeks marry. It is usually very, very tragic. Especially with gamers. Ask Super Husband.

Contrary to popular belief, geek girls are a-plenty. Yes, we are still out-numbered by you geek guys, which makes competition stiff, but we are growing in number. Still, don't be afraid of the competition. I mean, hell, it means you should ramp the geek up a bit! Besides, our numbers are growing as we become more confident to reveal ourselves.

To those who say otherwise, I say, Fuck Off.

Look, I'm a die-hard, born and raised, geek girl. I was raised on Star Wars, Alfred Hitchcock, Twilight Zone, Atari, imported cartoons before they were called Anime, and fantasy novels. Okay, yeah, I denied myself in middle school and high school. I tried to be attracted the preps and jocks and other popular boys. I was never accepted because while I was in camouflage I was different. I was hurt many times. I swore off boys for Years. That is no exaggeration. I got tired of getting my geek girl heart stomped for the sake of my looks. (I looked GOOD but I didn't Put Out because I had respect in myself. That was not acceptable. Especially since I spent more time at the pinball machine in the bar than at the bar. Go fig.)

I started realizing the way the world wanted me to go was not The Way. The Geek Boys were my boys. Unfortunately, I found a different hurt. They wanted girls who were me but didn't look like me (I have always been curvy but not fat), or they wanted me but I didn't want them because they were so timid it was sad.

Look, dears, you need to make a choice: are looks more important or the acceptance and possible participation in your hobbies of choice? For the timid: seriously, nice guys are awesome with awesome sauce but if you're so shy you can't order a coke refill without flinching, then you come off as a child we have to raise. We want a guy who stands with us, not a guy who worships us and does our bidding. Trust me. We tease about the whole "doing our bidding" thing, but we want a man who will be our partners.

As a geek girl who has suffered at school and different traumas at the hands of abusive relatives, I wanted nothing more than a geek boy who would stand beside me and at least help me defend myself if not defend me. I had a geek boy who "loved me" who was not happy with my treatment but who would never stand up with me. He railed against my treatment to me behind closed doors but would never stand with me while it was happening. (Standing alone against abuse while the boy who "loves you" sits there and watches is very much not attractive.)

We tried to remain friends, but he never accepted that I needed to be with someone else...

Super Husband is a Geek with a capital G.

He's a nice guy.

He has stood with me against many a demon, many a trauma, many a threat of those relatives with new abuses. When I stumbled and couldn't quite stand myself, he stood as my protection while I picked myself up or he offered a hand and gave me some of his strength.

Sometimes, it's geek girls who have to offer this kind of assistance. I can understand that, and dammit, I encourage that. If the geek boy you love stumbles, then you better cushion his fall and help him up and let him know he's not alone!

But, geeks, seriously, you can't sit in the shadows wishing, and you can't keep letting internet, anime, magazines, wishful-thinking, or society, tell you what is perfect for you.

You are a geek.

Find yourself a geek.

It is a hard road, my friends, no doubt about that, but if you stay true to yourself and stand strong for those you love even if you can't always stand strong for yourself, I promise you will find that person who will make up the difference.

And, just so you know, we geek girls never believed geek boys were supposed to look like Denzel Washington, so why the hell do you suppose geek boys think we're all supposed to look like Lara Croft?

In this aspect, we geek girls are more accepting.

The point is: Look up. Focus. See what's in front of you. She will kick your ass at World of Warcraft, and you will fucking like it!

Ask. Her. Out.

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Looks are important in your own personal universe. If a girl is a certain size and you prefer a different size from personal preference, more power to you. If a girl is a certain size and you only prefer another size because the rest of the world says you should, you need to grow the fuck up. Preference should be left to individuals. No one will crucify you for that. Hell, your geek pals will be jealous because you're having real sex with a real woman with real breasts! Imagine!

Fully Functional Friday - Where I Attempt to Be Regular Without Fiber

2010-01-23T04:36:08Z

So, my other blog has Totally Random Thursdays where I endeavor to hope to guarantee at least one regular entry a week. I try.

Damn my social life.

Either way, I felt that I should do the same for this blog, just so it doesn't get lonely or some crap like that.

Welcome to the very first episode of Fully Functional Friday where I prove to you that this blog is indeed still fully functional (and anatomically correct).*

On with the show!

Watch Super Husband play the demo for "Dante's Inferno". I will try it this weekend. Admittedly, my first thought was, "Didn't I see this fighting style in 'God of War'?" That thought was quickly superseded by "Holy shitbunnies what kind of drugs were these designers and on and I want some!" Okay, the engine doesn't look all that unique, but damn, this shit is pretty in a worst-nightmares-dreamed-up-by-a-human-wishing-to-be-a-demon kind of way. I want to play to see just how far they take it. Of course, this is what EA wants, but I will play gleefully in their hands! Damn my twisted tendencies...
However, that whole making a "book" to fit the game thing should mean that EA should have to carve its own circle of hell out of marble using a toothpick while at the mercy of a demon spawned by Satan's feces. "Dante's Inferno" the book was written many years ago and this game has drawn aspects of his vision of hell from it to be a fully-formed horribly twisted game experience. To want to print a book off of the game is a desperate bid for stupid people's money... Wait... Nevermind. Carry on.
Super Husband has one-uped me and actually played "Mass Effect". He has also made sure we will be getting "Mass Effect 2" in the next week or so. I will play the first while he oohs and aahs over the second. I figure this gives me critiquing advantage and is not because I've been hopelessly addicted to "Runes of Magic" which is totally his fault. Dammit.
I am creating t-shirts. You don't get to see them until I get a sense of how well they will be accepted when I go to the next con. Heh.
Speaking of cons, some ladies and I have a Plan for MidSouth Con. Yes, it's totally sexist, but the cons are nothing if not not sexist in a completely acceptable, non-politically correct way. (Girls get to dress as sluts; boys get to try to overstep boundaries; girls beat boys up. Boys get to dress as sluts; girls get to overstep boundaries; most boys just revel in it and don't care. Good times!) There will be southern belle dresses, collars, leashes, alcohol, and a whole lot of mischief. I love Cons!
Just wait for Dragon Con.
On Facebook, there was apparently a Fictional Character Week where you picked a fictional character that best represented you. I didn't know how to best represent me. I'm a zombie-fighting, explosion-loving, horror/fantasy/sci-fi/bad movie-watching, Halloween-obsessive gaming geek girl with a really twisted sense of humor and a rubber chicken. Let's add a nice rack to that. I have yet to find a fictional character that best describes that because reality is definitely funnier than fiction. I am my own fictional character.
Most geek boys don't believe I exist anyway. I had met many in life and online. The ones in life were intimidated; the ones online thought I was a guy pretending to be me. Yeah, and this is why I'm with Super Husband who is a Geek with a capital G. Sorry, boys, you had your chance.
Okay, so, I saw the Lego Universe MMORPG trailer. Looks cute and stuff, but am I the only one who thought I would only pay for it if I could fight Lego ninjas against Lego pirates? Just sayin'.
James Cameron is still a hack and should stay far the hell away from "Forbidden Planet"!

So, there you have it, a totally disjointed train-of-thought edition of Ye Olde Kumquat. I know it just fulfilled your every whims. Please, deposit used tissues in the trashcans, you pervs.

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*Serious brownie points to those who know what song I got this inspired post title from. I might even find something to send to you. Maybe. Perhaps. If you beg. MWAH!

The things you learn late at night on an MMO

2010-01-12T06:50:21Z

I'm addicted to "Runes of Magic".

This might not want to be something my husband wants to hear since he's the one who brought me into it and I warned him long ago about the dangers of me and MMOs.

That's not an "I told you so." It's an "I'm sorry I was right." I wish I wasn't.

Either way, while I still have a life outside of the MMO, there's something that's changed for me.

One of the big things that prevented me from playing MMOs was the whole idea I had to have complete strangers join with me to complete a quest.

Ya'll, this may come as a surprise to you, but most of the general public in the anonymous world of the internet and MMOs consists of blatant assholes. Seriously. The only reason Super Husband managed to even get me on this game is because we played together. The beauty of playing with my local peeps is amazing. The annoying fourteen-year-olds can drown in fire for all I care.

But, tonight, I have to say some of my attitude has changed. Granted, I've met several peeps on the game who are quite nice, but we're still just acquaintances.

Tonight, I spent three hours, three hours, with complete strangers, killing the hell out of a particular brand of monster to spawn an elite of their kind in order to finish a quest. This was started by a rather high level peep who wanted to help several of us.

Let me tell you, I leveled up in appreciation far faster than in the quest we were dying to finish.

That particular person had been trying for hours already, and it took several more hours of trying before we reached our goal. We had gone from congenial silliness to cannibalism out of boredom. (Peeps started challenging each other just to create enough drama to make the monotony interesting.) We started shouting insults on chat at the elite monster we were begging to spawn. We insulted and threatened the GMs. We stripped naked and offered ourselves as bait. There were offers to drag corpses through the woods.

We offered to bake brownies!

Towards the end, it was pure unadulterated stubbornness: none of us were leaving until the Bastard spawned and at least killed someone for our efforts.

There was a server maintenance planned for the night. There was much speculation that the fucker would spawn just before the GMs took the game down.

We were a determined group.

It's amazing how that brings folks together.

We're not talking some sort of real world situation that actually means anything. Any other time, we couldn't give a shit. The fact is we spent several hours not killing a bunch of MOBs but laughing at a self-induced state of boredom. We put ourselves there and continued to suffer it and by the gods, we knew it and couldn't do anything but laugh. That is what made the difference.

Towards the end, Super Husband was trying to convince me it was doable another day. I knew it was, but what I couldn't seem to communicate was that it wasn't doable With This Group Of People. He seemed to sort of understand, but he didn't really. We had killed through it together, laughing, making fun of each other, saying stupid shit, continuously agreeing we were all insane, so, by the gods, we were going to finish it together! At that point, we had simply gone too far together to split up. He would've understood had he been playing. He didn't because he was concerned about me. I can appreciate that.

I can also hope he appreciatea there are times when shit needs to be finished.

About the time Super Husband was really getting demanding, the Bastard spawned.

Holy hell.

There were choirs singing on high, and several worshiped Its presence. (Emotes can be incredibly funny.)

Hours of our lives gone, and finally, finally we were about to reach our goal!

And, we didn't know what to do. We stood there looking at it but no one had a plan. We were so focused on the journey we didn't think about what we were going to do as soon as we were faced down with our goal.

Desperation to prevent our losing out to the plug being pulled on the servers made damn sure I was going to kick start this battle.

My suggestion? Have the highest level pull, the rest of us help kill, the priests keep us alive. Yes, it's standard stuff, but apparently, everyone needed reminding.

I have to tell you, there was a certain satisfaction that the Bastard didn't go down in one or two hits from our high level peep.

All I know is once it was done, there was immense satisfaction. Someone actually mentioned that at this point we all felt like old friends.

Strangely, that's true. We had shared several personal moments in our boredom. Suddenly, we weren't just pixels on a screen waiting to kill an elite creature; we were a bunch of real time gamers who were slogging through a moment in the game that wasn't all that much fun but yet found ourselves truly enjoying ourselves through the connections we made.

And, that means something.

If you're reading this, you know what this means. The internet and gaming has offered us connections that aren't the same as real life. Some argue this is bad, but really, is it? Suddenly, I know a woman in Florida who has three cats who is quite happily gaming in her off time. I know a couple who game together (she being the corrupter in this case) when they aren't taking care of their relatively new relationship, one is diabetic. These are connections. Yes, they are virtual but connections all the same.

I now understand why some people who have a hard time connecting with others in real life find so much fulfillment in the virtual world. I've always understood a little. I've made many friends online. Hell, I met my husband online. The difference is that some of those people don't ever wish to leave the online world. I, however, at some point I actually like meeting my internet friends in the real world. Virtual connections are awesome, but it can't replace that moment of seeing that person's smiling face and giving them a hug.

But, now, I can see how for some people it can be pretty damn close.

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I think it was also good to find others who play as couples. MMOs are joked about being the stomping ground for eternal virgins, so I was very happy to know that Super Husband and I weren't the only geeks bonding through an MMO. Makes us seem less pathetic at any rate.

Why let everyone else have all the fun? - My "Avatar" review

2010-01-10T01:22:05Z

Now that the holidays are officially over, maybe I can get back on track with things.

So, we finally went to see "Avatar".

A little background...

I. Hate. James. Cameron.

My hate for him is shadowed only by my loathing for Jerry "may the devil claim his own soon" Bruckheimer.

I think Cameron hasn't produced a decent film since "Terminator 2". "Titanic" was a waste of perfectly good technology and an unbelievable hack job that I still can't believe won Best Picture over "LA Confidential", "Good Will Hunting" (the fuck?!), "The Full Monty", and "As Good As It Gets". (Please send all hate mail to getsometasteyouteenyboppingsheep@biteme.com) Like Lucas, I don't feel Cameron can see past his ego to produce a good movie worthy of my hard-earned money. (And, trust me, it takes a lot to get money out of me for a theater ticket these days.)

As you can see, I went into this film with a little bias.

I expected to hate this movie and punch my husband for making me see it. Hell, I wanted to hate this movie.

I couldn't. Holy shit, I Could Not Hate This Movie.

I tried. I tried to pick it apart in my brain. I tried to pick up things that were obviously bad, like the name of the metal they were searching for - unobtainium. (There's a reason that didn't hit me as hard as other which I'll get into in a minute.) Every time I'd find something wrong, I'd find twenty things that worked really fucking well.

As everyone knows, this is about a guy who has to replace his dead twin brother in the Avatar Program. His brother was a scientist; he is a Marine. The scientists running the program hate this idea; the general who wants to blow it all up and go home, loves it. Jake isn't sure what to think at first. At first, it's just another mission in which case, he's not supposed to think, which almost seems comforting considering it's coming to him over his brother's dead body.

That's all you get on Jake. He's a Jar Head who can't afford to buy the surgery to get his dead legs back. He's offered a lot of money, and at one point, a free ticket to his legs from the general who wants him to do a little "reconnaissance". Money and "Yes, Sir!" That he can get his mind around.

And, yes, it is a little annoying that you don't get much more background on him, but while I normally frown upon movies that throw me in the middle of a situation and not give me any grasp of what's going on, it works with some films. It works with this one. You don't know much more than he does. He's just a blank slate. A guy who's having to start over. Kind of like his avatar in a way. While I might be reaching, somehow, it was a comfortable concept here.

Once in the avatar, he finds he has legs and so, so much more. Suddenly, he's something he couldn't dream. Suddenly, he's beyond human. So, yeah, it's no wonder he "went native".

Oh, please, don't even start to shout at me for not giving a spoiler alert. The biggest problem with this movie is the predictability of the plot. It's predictable because it's been told before ("Dances with Wolves", "Man Called Horse", etc...) But, truly, I have to say, if he had this technology 20 years ago, he would have told it earlier, and we'd be comparing them all to this. Besides, I have to admit - ya'll might want to sit down for this one - Cameron did it better. You see, the one thing I took away from this is the whole aspect of stepping out of your cocoon and understanding that which is different. The military and Corporation want Jake to understand these people, learn from them, learn what makes them tick, become one of them. The problem with that is, well, you become one of them. When you understand that tree you want to blow up is the home to an entire people, suddenly it doesn't seem like blowing it up is a good idea.

If you have a heart anyway.

The story's been told before, but it's not a complete carbon copy, and it's not this guy proving he's better than the natives. He's a guy who suddenly realizes that these aren't savages, these are People and they aren't in the way of progress, progress is intruding upon their lives. Unfortunately, they don't understand the tech bearing down upon them, but he does, so he can provide reconnaissance the other way: he can give them what he already knows.

Okay, yeah, they could have let the main badass warrior dude turn out to be the great warrior who gathers the tribes. That would have been nice. But, all things considered, since Jake at least bows to the leader of the tribe and acknowledges that he is nothing without the people around him and actually asks for permission to do things, it's a situation that's been handled better than in most films.

And, no, I don't think this film is anti-technology. I think it's against the misuse of technology. I also think it's a film largely about greed. Greed makes us blind. Greed makes it easy to blow up a lush forest for the metal underneath, especially if you have misused technology with which to do it. It's about being detached from the world around us. Which is funny because we are and aren't. We're detached from reality, but we're more connected than ever. Kind of funny, really.

Is it perfect? Oh, hells no. I definitely got the feeling this movie was missing a lot of scenes we'll probably see in the extended edition. (Hell, I kind of felt like he had two movies in this one, and he's planning on two more. It might have needed to be a set of four.) I felt there could have been better intro to some characters. I still haven't figured out how if the whole planet evolved in such a way that most creatures had six limbs where the hell the four-limbed Na'vi fit in. "Unobtainium" truly is a stupid name for an ore, but that I forgave only because in the original script, apparently it was a joke name given by disbelieving officials that seemed to stick - it would have been nice for him to explain the ridiculousness away. I would have liked to see Jake struggle a bit more to learn his avatar body, but it was already a 3 hour film. I wish to fucking hell someone would quit inflicting James Horner on innocent orchestras! He makes them sound like they're in pain, poor dears. Also, dude, that ending song... You know, only the teeny boppers liked the Celine Dion Titanic atrocity because they are teeny boppers and all insane. I really liked the movie. I really didn't like having to rush out of the screening room to keep my ears from bleeding. That's a bad way to end it.

Of course, 3D is the way to see this. I was afraid I couldn't enjoy it because the paper blue and red 3D glasses screw up the colors for me and make it hard to focus. Polarized 3D glasses are amazing. Hell, we're already determined that our theater room will possess the ability to do 3D. (Our friends are so in for a treat when we get that sucker finished.)

Yes, the story has been told before. But, I can't knock that Cameron told it in a lovely way this time. No, I'm not completely jaded by the "oooooh pretty!" special effects. It's not perfect. It could have been better. Is it "Lord of the Rings"? By no means. He is not Peter "Fucking Awesome" Jackson, but Peter also had a story that, when it appeared on the scene decades ago, was completely original. Cameron has had this story banging around in his head for almost 2 decades, and people beat him to it.

That's how I'm going to look at it because I truly loved this movie for all its flaws. It was an amazing sight. It made me tear up. It made me shiver. It was an experience I forgot could happen in theatrical releases.

I tried to hate it. I just can't.

Does this make me a new Cameron fan? Claw your fucking eyes out for suggesting it! I just found out tonight he's doing the remake of "Forbidden Planet". I shouted loudly, made stabby motions to my chest, and threw up in my mouth a little.

Cameron is still a hack, but this one, boils and ghouls, he got right.

About damn time.

4 out of 5 Kumquats. (Yes, I have movies that are worthy of 5 Kumquats, but they aren't from this decade so stop complaining.)

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James Cameron is also doing a remake of Heavy Metal. That one I expect to be fantastically funny and worthy of our Bad Movie Night. Jury is still out on Ridley Scott doing "Robin Hood."

You will never see Batman the same way again. You're welcome.

2009-12-27T08:10:26Z

Okay, if this doesn't make you squee like a teenager at a screening of "Twilight" I don't know what will.

I was playing around with the old Stumble Button (first masturbation joke I get, and I'm pullin' this blog over) and ran into something that I am both thrilled and angry over. Thrilled to bits for having had StumbleUpon to run into something so awesome, and pissed as all get out for not having found it ealier. Apparently, though, it's fairly young, not even a year old yet, but I am now on a mission to educate every geek who hasn't found it yet.

This, my geeky loves, is "Batman and Sons". It is a webcomic that is about one Batman, sometimes known as Bruce Wayne, and his trials and tribulations having to raise 3 incarnations of Robins and a future replacement, Terry.

Now, I haven't kept up with comics in years. I might have had Marvel hadn't fallen down a well and been replaced by some weird pod-grown freak-of-nature, which honestly, can be a description of most of the Big Comic Companies these days. Either way, if a character isn't being retconned, he/she is being reborn in another form or replaced by a younger version (think Menudo) or being killed, resurrected, killed, resurrected, and finally killed and avenged by their younger, reborn selves who also appear to be insane and/or emo or both. Comics are soap operas for geeks, but even geeks start to see the ridiculousness of it after a while. Anyway, the point is I am aware of the various Robins and such and this is the first time I've seen the idea handled quite this way.

Batman suddenly finds himself the father of four boys, four very boyish boys, so now he has to find time to fit being a brooding figure of the night with picking the children up at school and making sure the house doesn't fall apart while Alfred is sick.

Ya'll, seriously, it's worth it for this panel alone:

Firstly, I have to say this might be one of the most adorable adaptations I've ever seen, and secondly, it's kind of cool to see the Bat flustered and out of his game. Having to figure out there are instructions on diapers really brings Bats down to a more human level, which is hysterical because he's the most human of all the superheros if for no other reason that he's, well, human.

This is not endorsed by DC and I don't want it to ever be endorsed by DC. I want it to be accepted or even tolerated, but never endorsed because an endorsement would kill its outlandish humor and play. This is a webcomic for geeks and it needs to stay that way. DC has enough money and ability to crush creativity. Leave the good stuff for rest of us.

Ya'll must go through the archives, and ya'll must love it. If you don't love it, I will disown your existence and declare you jocks.

So sayeth the Kumquat!

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Seriously, if you didn't squee once or at least giggle until you choked from at least one of the entries on that blog, then you are as dead as a country singer in a punk bar.

Gaming Addiction: Not the end of civilization, really.

2009-12-24T16:48:36Z

You know, there are a lot of people who make fun of gaming addictions, and hell, I'm one of them. Of course, that's like the pot calling the kettle black all things considered, but you know, I still get out of the house. I still cook actual food. I have married an actual live human man. I dress in funny clothes on weekends and pretend to be in the Middle Ages while said husband dresses in armor and beats people with sticks. As much as I game and would probably chew the foot off of whomever told me I could never game again, I still feel rather proud of Super Husband and me for managing to balance gaming and life, even if at times, gaming wins over things like art projects.

Thing is, though, we know someone who is as bad as all the anti-gaming groups want you to believe. He's a great guy, but he does nothing else but World of Warcraft. That's it. Oh, I shouldn't say nothing else because he has finished school. He's got credentials out the ass for computer programming, but it's a little hard for him to find a job since he has no car since he spent every extra cent from student loans on his gaming rig. It also doesn't help he has no teeth from all the junk food and Coke he lives on. He hides it well under that unkempt beard, but you know, most potential employers are put off when you reek because you haven't bathed in days.

Now, granted, he is a worst-case scenario for the single gaming addict. And, you know, I truly hate when people hold those like him up as examples of why "gaming is evil". Look, some people for some reason - maybe it's their predisposition for being anti-social or have an addictive personality, I don't know - get sucked into that fantasy world. It's easier to meet people that way and easier to talk. Real life is damn hard and damn scary, so yeah, I can see why some people might hide away. (Gods know there are times I've wanted to do that.) Is it healthy? Nope. Is it advisable? Nope. But, is it what all gamers are like? Fuck no, and screw those who say otherwise. Those are the very people who have never gamed in their lives. Just like assholes who want to ban movies or books they've never seen or read. Knee-jerk conservatism.

However, I will say, if he was just by himself, I might care even less. I still don't think it's healthy, and as a friend of my husband's, I do wish he'd try to better his situation, but if he were alone, there's not much I can do. He's a big boy. He makes his own decisions, and he's got to figure this shit out for himself. We can point it out, but until he sees it himself, it's all just words. Problem is, he's not alone. He lives with his parents, and they don't like it very much. And, that's where it becomes a problem. If you're only hurting yourself, then, well, that's your choice, even if we think it sucks. If you're hurting yourself and others, well, it's kind of selfish and cruel, but unfortunately, it's not something a gaming addict sees. They see their gaming as their only outlet and get very offended if you suggest it's a bad thing. They're not hurting anyone, right?

Yesterday, a lady who'd been helping us at the spa was telling me about her husband. She says to me, "He's playing World of Warcraft which is this huge online game..."

I grinned at her unconsciously. She got slightly offended, but then I explained that, sweetie, you have no idea how aware I am of such things.

Anyway, apparently, she is a WOW widow, to the point it almost caused a divorce. Yes, it's like Oprah, but not as insipid.

Thing is, she doesn't mind that he plays, but she does mind that they have to schedule their family life around his raiding schedule. I can see that. She's not a gamer. She's not even really a geek. She likes the occasional console stuff that the kids share, but nothing beyond Guitar Hero or something. Normally, I am wary of a non-gamer marrying a gamer because typically, it doesn't bloody work, but it sometimes does if the spouse is at least accepting of the hobby, which she is. She never once said to me that she wanted him to completely stop. She just wanted him to find some self-control.

I can see this. When I met Super Husband, he was huge into EverCrack. Being a gamer, I was just fucking thrilled he gamed. Being a girlfriend, I was thrilled he knew when to put it down. Wednesdays were his raid nights, so I never even tried to schedule anything on those days. Sometimes there were other raids, but it was understood that Friday was our time, whatever that might be. It worked, and he still gamed. But, apparently, this poor woman doesn't have that kind of compromise, and when I told her how we worked it out, she was flabbergasted and jealous. I found that very sad.

Granted, yes, I missed classes for an entire week once to play Final Fantasy VII, but you know, I did eventually venture out into the shocking rays of the evil daystar. Maybe I just don't "get it," but I, personally, don't see why a gamer, even a hardcore gamer, can't make time for other social activities.

And, maybe that's the answer. Maybe those who get addicted like that aren't always hardcore gamers. Gamers who have been gamers all their lives seem to be the ones who manage to strike a balance of some sort. Yes, I know that some of those addicts are lifelong gamers, but it seems like I keep running into those who weren't always gamers but got sucked into the MMO world and never really found their way out. It's like their psyche has suddenly discovered a new playground, an imagination it never knew it had, and refuses to come out again. I got the impression that her husband has only ever played MMOs, so it makes me wonder.

As I said in the previous post, for a long time, I avoided MMOs simply because I know I have the ability to disappear into a game for days at a time. And, maybe, if I had started them in college that's what would've happened, but being an adult, even an immature one, still requires certain damn boring obligations, like maintaining a job so you have a roof under which to game. It's a trade off. Either way, in a weird way, I can kind of understand how one would get to that point. I definitely have the kind of personality that could spend all my waking time doing things like gaming or chatting. I've done it. Lots of times. The difference is I've recognized my weakness and had to set limitations. It sucks balls, but that's the way it is if I want to do things like party with friends or go to cons or be inspired to make art or do sexy things with my husband. As much as I love the gaming, I'm not willing to give all that up.

I'm hoping that her husband isn't either. Since the divorce didn't happen, I figure he must not be, so there's that at least.

Now, on a complete flip side of that, the devious part of me told her what to do to at least make herself feel better.

See, he plays on a PVP server. I told her she needs to log in, make a character, level it up, and then beat the crap out of him whenever his gaming annoys her. Yes, I know that it's potentially turning her into a gamer, but I don't see that. She's not a gamer. She is, however, a determined woman. I can totally see her doing such a thing, and you know, nothing would get his attention like being bitch-slapped online and then finding out it was his wife. Might open up some communication, who knows?

That, or I'm just as wicked and devious as I've been told I am.

Here I thought I was just, you know, helpful.

So, the point of this post? Well, I seem to have been confronted with this kind of problem a few times in recent years, and while a little scary, I have yet to see how it's an insurmountable horror that should warrant the banning of all games some feel is necessary to prevent the destruction of our youth or whatever their going rant is. Yes, for some, the only option might be to give up gaming, but for most, I think it's possible to just sort of retrain one's self into achieving a little more balance. It's hard as hell, but it's possible.

I almost think it's the universe's way of point out to me that yes, I will be confronted with shit like this from stupid anti-gamers for the rest of my life, and it's important I have a counter-argument, for instance: "Gee, my brother played Mortal Kombat as a kid and is not only married and has two kids, but when his first kid was a newborn, he was playing Doom 3 with her lying in his lap, and yet she has still decided Jesus needs some of her toys because the three gifts he got from the wisemen were lame."** (We won't mention that same child once, in some surreal kind of innocence, tied up all of my stuffed animals to the legs of my coffee table like some weird bondage barnyard. She is a girl after my own heart.)

Besides, I've played games from the time Atari first hit the market (screw you, I'm not old!) until now, and while, yes, I definitely have a twist of mind, I'm pretty sure it's inherited. My mother is twisted as hell, but she's never gamed. Take that and put it in your conservative "video games are the evil" ass.

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**True story. I am a screaming heathen, but you have to admit that's adorably cute, even though I'm pretty sure when she becomes a teenager she'll wonder why Jesus never figured out that he could have totally used that walk-on-water trick to win a few free drinks. She is my niece, after all.

If you clone an MMORPG, do you have to call it Dolly? (D & D Online Review)

2009-12-20T21:02:32Z

When we lived on the other side of town, I frequented the Hobby Lobby that was on that end. In said Hobby Lobby was a geek boy who liked me. I'm assuming he liked me because after the day I walked in with my iPod on my arm and he discovered it was playing a song from a Final Fantasy soundtrack, there wasn't a time I could be wandering a random aisle and he wouldn't show up. Most people would find that creepy. Because he's about 16 years younger than me, I thought it kind of cute and flattering.

Oftentimes, when he'd happen to check me out at the register, he would ask me, "Do you play World of Warcraft?"

My usual response was, "Dude, I have a life."

Well, I had been tempted many times to try it because, as everyone knows, they've become the AOL of junk mail CDs. I can't count how many of those "Free 14 Day Trial" CDs I've thrown away. And, I did that because, say it with me, I have a life.

Or rather, I choose to have one. You see, I also know my limitations. I obsess very easily over games. My obsessions are okay if the games have a conclusion, but MMORPGs don't really have that. You can get all the levels and armor and achievements, but they will always add more. It never really ends.

The other problem is I don't like the general public in my fantasy. 14 year-old trolls piss me off. Not because they're rude or crude or socially unacceptable, but because I know little bastards like that who would never pull that shit in real life because they know I would smack them like the little bitches they are. The anonymity of the internet can really blow during those moments.

So, I resisted MMOs for a long time, much to the pouting of Super Husband. When he met me, he was so damned thrilled that I gamed that he was filled with much glee, but my lack of MMO experience definitely left me a little lacking in his eyes.

Well, several months ago, he convinced me to try one of those WOW trials.

I have to tell you, playing with Super Husband was tres fun. I realized that as long as I played with people I knew, the whole MMO thing wasn't so worthy of derision. It was like an advanced version of two-player. I was digging it.

But, we hit another brick wall: the subscription fee.

The solution? Runes of Magic.

Look, guys, I have to tell you, I've read all the "it's nothing but a WOW clone" reviews, and they always miss the vital important aspect of that fact: it's fucking FREE.

We don't play MMOs enough during a month to warrant a monthly subscription, and I hate to tell you younger gamers out there, but when you start getting into things like student loans, mortgages, and insane needs for things like food, utilities, and a really nice theater system, suddenly things like WOW subscriptions are just silly.

Yes, Runes of Magic is a WOW clone. So? Seriously, it's still fun. It's still pretty. It's still FREE.

Funnily enough, that wasn't what inspired this post. What inspired this post was another MMORPG that runs along a whole other vein. This would be Dungeons and Dragons Online.

Now, this started out as a subscription game that was choking mightily against the tidal waves of EverCrack and WOW. But, unlike other struggling MMOs they figured out that there was a way to appeal to the rest of the world who wanted to play without having their credit cards charged. They decided to go free and offer certain items, races, quests, and services for a cost.

Some people might shrug and think, "What's the point?" The point is they still have a massive amount of content for those of us who can't let an MMO take over our lives, but if we find we're getting more and more immersed, we can either take a subscription or just buy things to enhance the experience. And, in a completely awesome move, you can earn points when you solve quests and actually use them to purchase other quests. So, yeah, some quests you can only get with real world money, but at least you don't feel ostracized for playing free.

For those who like to gripe just to hear themselves gripe, this is very much not a WOW clone. Sometimes, I long for the ROM interface, like ease in following other players in a group or the leveling system, but the differences have their own advantages.

DDO might be a little on the hard side to level, but you don't have tedious collection quests to fill your leveling time. Most leveling is done with actual quests! What a concept! I wasn't so sure about some aspects of the controls at first, for instance, it's rather hard to follow your group members. However, that's all balanced out because, well, when you're in a dungeon it's just you and your group. No other random players to kill your intended target forcing you to wait through a 2 hour respawn timer. I gotta tell you, that's hella nice. And, when you're done with the quest, you hit a "finished" button and you go back to the entrance and are able to hit town and collect your xp. Damn convenient if you ask me.

Then there's the obvious bonus in that you only get loot out of treasure chests or NPCs, so there's a definite lack of those shiver-inducing questions like, "Where does a goblin in a loin cloth hide a long sword?" Um....eeeeeeewwwwwww...

Despite what most players will admit, most MMOs have a definite forumla, and it's a formula that works. You have gathering quests to extend the playing time and give you mindless leveling. You have massive raids to enhance that whole social experience of the game and actually affect the challenge levels.

DDO is a different kind of MMO. Well, of course it is, it's based off of a table-top gaming system, and they try very hard to keep that feel. Instead of a a small group of people gathered around a table trying to beat down the latest quest, you have that same small group meeting around an online network. There's something to be said for that small group experience, whether your members are local or spread across the world. There's an immersiveness to it that's lost when you're beating the hell out of a boss in a dungeon and some level 50 wanders by and smacks it for you. Going into a dungeon setting and knowing you are the only ones there and all your decisions affect your group and only your group, and damn, where the hell did the cleric just go? Yeah, it's a special challenge on it's own, and that challenge only adds to the fun.

And, that's the thing about DDO, while there are drawbacks in comparison to other MMOs, it finds other ways to shine. Is it perfect? By no means. (Ya'll, seriously, no quick button for targeting enemies?) But, it manages to salvage the fun times of table gaming and bring it to the computer screen. Other MMOs like WOW or ROM can't really be compared if only because they are so different which makes them likable in their own rights.

MMOs are starting to feel a little cookie-cutter in their attempts to clone the WOW success, and they do offer something new when they can, but it's nice to find an MMO that has its own style.

DDO is unapologetic, nor should it be otherwise.

Repeat after me, gamers: variety is the spice of life.

Now, go play outside.

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Admittedly, I'm finding the very non-JRPG feel of MMOs really added to their appeal. Yes, I cut my gamer teeth on JRPGs. Yes, I still love said style of games as evident in my ardent drooling on all things Final Fantasy, but the non-linear aspects of the ARPGs are very nice. Besides, sometimes, you just want to set fire to that random cow.

My God, it's full of...changes...

2009-12-18T04:31:18Z

So, yeah, if you are blind - which would make the internet really interesting for you - there have been some changes about.

We have a two year contract with GoDaddy, and in celebration of the GoDaddy/SucksPress +50 to Hacking combo, we have changed blogging software.

Now, the dust hasn't settled yet. The text on the old entries are kind of screwed up and the pics are gone, but hey, at least it's up and running. Beggers can't be choosers and all that wise-cracking jazz.

Either way, enjoy the new look; ignore the random changes; feel free to offer suggestions that most likely will be ignored...but I love you anyway.

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As I said on Crochet Cultist, I do not take back my curse on the hackers. I only hope they find repentance in their hearts...problem with that is they have no hearts.

An open letter (only moderately safe for work, children, or adults)

2009-12-15T01:05:17Z

To the baby-rapers who keep hacking my blogs,

I hope you die while be slow-roasted over a fire made from the smoldering bodies of your families. When you awaken in that special ring of hell built only for soulless bastards such as yourselves, I hope that you find that eternity for you will mean being forcibly violated in various tender orifices by red-hot, sharpened objects while you teabag Satan.

Sincerely,

Papermasks

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You keep asking if I'm bitter. I don't know where you keep getting that idea.